CASINO ROYALE (2006)
- This is the FIRST Bond not to suck in a long, long time.
- Bond has somehow built a time machine and travelled back to perfrom his first mission.
- To become a double 0, you need to have killed two people. Sounds more like a gang initiation!
- The second kill is considerably easier.
- If you're going to shoot someone behind their back. Don't scream before you do it. They'll shoot you first.
- When you're doing undercover work, do NOT put your hand to your ear.
- After you've told one secret agent not to draw attention to themselves, make sure your own earwig is not visable.
- Try not to land in the middle of a snake pit.
- Bombs in backpacks won't explode, even if tossed around and violently shaken during a foot chase.
- African Bomb Makers moonlight as Acrobats.
- If you're gonna chase after a bomb maker, prepare to go upward.
- James Bond is... the Running Man!
- Bond creates his own shortcuts.
- Don't bother climbing through a gap when you can just run through the wall.
- It's just as easy to run through a wall than jump through a window.
- Silenced guns still make a lot of noise.
- When ever you're hopelessly outnumbered by the bad guys trying to get a hostage, shoot the tanks.
- If you're chasing a bomber into an embassy and you're mission is to capture him alive, the only way out is to shoot him in the chest and then shoot a barrel to cause a big explosion.
- You can survive being right next to a explosive barrel when it goes off.
- After chasing some guy for a helluva long time, you can STILL have your hawaii shirt buttoned AND also still have a weapon at the end.
- Evil people have bloody eyes.
- A lot of Bond villains have had a problem with their left-eye.
- Terrorists shouldn't invest in a man with the bleeding eye.
- If you want to keep track of a 00, shoot something into their arm. No one would ever find it and take it out.
- Best way to impress M is to break into her house.
- Don't ever break into M's house again.
- Bond can find out M's name, login, and address, but doesn't bother to check out his co-workers (Mathis and Vesper).
- British secret agents use Sony.
- Cell-phones are the greatest plot-device in modern cinema.
- Bond moonlights as a car valet.
- Don't mistake a guy tieing his shoe for a Valet parker.
- Spies don't need advanced spy techniques, they'll just check the mobile phones of henchmen and find out the villain's whereabouts through their text messaging.
- Some women like to ride a horse across the beach for no apparent reason.
- The women Bond makes love to, end up dead.
- If you want to kill someone's betraying wife, make sure you tie her up in a hammock.
- If you can't find a body bag use a Hamok.
- Airline companies like to unveil their newest biggest jets in the middle of the night.
- Airport security agents leave loaded firearms lying around in open lockers. Especially during fire alarms.
- If someone is stealing a truck with a full-load of cerosine, the best way to stop him is to shoot the tires, and the truck.
- The safest way to transport an armed bomb is by plowing down a runway and smashing through various obstacles.
- Getting knocked out of a truck is a good thing. It helps you find the bomb.
- Bond was an orphan.
- Apparently, the best way to get someone into bed is by telling them they are not your type.
- Accountants are apparently lovely people.
- If you're a secret agent, don't bother using an assumed name because everybody knows who you are.
- You can put a gun, plus a silencer, inside a padded envelope and nobody on the hotel staff will be suspicious when they pick it up to hand to Bond.
- Fastest way for an Evil International Banker to make 150 million is to play a poker game that requires gathering people from around the world who are willing to pay a 10 million dollar buy in.
- Card games have a 10 million dollar buy-ins.
- When the bad guys walk past, it's always a good idea to make out with your cover.
- The best way to reassure a disturbed person who just witnessed you violently murder two people and jam them under the stairs is to crudely suck on their fingers.
- Wounds stop bleeding immediately, especially if you are just about to return to a poker game.
- Hotel cutlery is the preferred weapon of a bad loser.
- Dinner table knives are the new swords.
- American CIA agents suck at Texas Hold 'Em.
- CIA agents can instantly recognize British secret agents.
- Apparently the CIA doesn't care about losing millions.
- The British MI:6 are a bunch of tight wads.
- The CIA has too much money.
- The CIA don't tell MI:6 that they've got an agent in the same poker game.
- Don't drink and gamble.
- When surrounded by dangerous men who have been known to kill... always watch your drink being mixed and never let it leave your eyesight.
- When you are poisoned drink salty water.
- AED assigned to Britian's top agents are desgined flimsy. And complicated.
- A car belonging to a 00-agent don't have machine guns and rockets, but instead includes a defibrillator and a lot of antidotes for different poisons in case someone would poison them into having a heart attack.
- Make sure your car defibrilator comes assembled.
- Everyone, whether they work for MI:6 or not, knows what to do with an in car defibrillator when someone else is about to flat line. They even know where to find that person who is about to flat line too.
- Defibriators have big red 'On' buttons.
- People about to go into cardiac arrest are able to walk out to their car and defibrillate themselves, then go back and resume a poker game.
- That last hand almost killed Bond.
- When promoted to OO status and have been revived from a cardiac arrest , you can become the best poker player in the world.
- Don't gamble with terrorist's money.
- You're only in trouble if you start weeping blood.
- You should stay loyal to your boyfriend even when he didn't care that your arm was about to be chopped off.
- Best way to stop a pursuing Secret agent in his fast car is to your double agent as a speed bump.
- Obey the speed limit just in case a girl is tied on the road.
- A car can flip and roll 7 times and the driver can walk away with just a few minor injuries.
- Le Chiffre sweats more then Bond, even if Bond is about to have his balls busted.
- When getting tortured, it's always best to make jokes.
- Bond seemingkly likes to get his balls slapped by a man with a rope.
- Why Bond never got a girl pregnant; his balls have been reduced to mini plastic shopping bags.
- Apparently Bond has itchy balls a lot.
- Contrary to popular belief men do not talk in high squeaky voices when they are getting 7 shades of hell raining down on their balls.
- You'll be ready to have sex again a day after being hit repeatedly in the jewels.
- Bond can do a lot with his little finger.
- For a good time, dial 1-900-LIL-FNGR extension 007 (all charges and fees apply, naturally).
- Even Bond can fall in love.
- Bond can fall madly in love with a woman in less than a month.
- 00 agents can hold their breath for really long periods of time.
- Just because you are not Guilty doesn't mean you're innocent.
- Most buildings in Italy are supported on the water by tanks.
- MI:6 never check their agents.
- If your name is Mr. White and you get two oportunities to kill a 00 agent, take the shot. Or else, he'll come back with a rifle and blow away one of your kneecaps.