WWE Summerslam 2008 PPV Review
- Your hosts are JR, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Tazz.
- From Indianapolis, IN. Original airdate: 8/17/08
- The multiplex stage is awesome and the intro pyro was sweet as well.
- Opening match: MVP w/silvery beaded hair, new ring gear and weight gain v. Jeff Hardy w/ a broken freakin' neck
Welcome back to PPV MVP! There is a thick smoke in the arena... must be the ghost of Rey Mysterio. Tazz seems happy not having to work with Mike Adamle anymore. Nice to see Jeff made a full recovery from his broken neck. Maybe he took some of Kurt Angle's vitamins.... The crowd is pretty good tonight as an MVP chant starts. Someone forgot to tell these two they're not supposed to try to kill each other as Jeff goes flying all over the place. End came when Hardy hit the Whisper In The Wind, but was distracted while going up for the Swanton by Shelton Benjamin as he dived onto Shelton and as he went up for the Swanton again, it missed and MVP hit the Drive By Kick for three. MVP wins! MVP wins! Match didn't need a run-in, though MVP/Jeff/Shelton for the US title is going to be incredible, especially if there's a ladder involved...
MVP d. Jeff Hardy, Drive By Kick -- pin (**1/2) Solid match for a curtain jerker.
- Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix promo. There was so much fantastic stuff in that promo like Santino calling themselves Glamarella.
- Intercontinental / Women's Title: Kofi Kingston & Mickie James v. Glamarella
Santino's music is still very awesome and Santino is wearing a Onsie that makes him look like Kurt Angle. I'd like to believe Santino wakes up every morning and asks himself how he can look more like a douchebag. Both Beth and Mickie are looking very hot tonight. There never seems to be a frown on Mickie and Kofi's faces. End came when Mickie hit the MickieDT on Santino. However, Beth hit Mickie with chicken wing slam and made the cover for the three count. That's two times Santino has won the IC belt, while unconscious, but whatever, new champions, everybody! Bethtino win! Bethtino win! Santino is the new Women's champion! No, wait... Haha, Santino just tongued the IC belt. Santino tells the belt "I missed you, I missed you so much" He is awesome in every way. Santino is on Beth's shoulders! Holy crap, Beth is a horse! Best celebration ever! The dynamic between Santino and Beth is so great. They need to bring back the Slammys just for Santino.
Glamarella d. Intercontinental champion Kofi Kingston & Women's champion Mickie James, Phoenix chicken wing slam -- pin James (**1/2) This was great for all the wrong reasons.
- Shawn "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" Michaels retirement promo. The time has come for Shawn Michaels to FINALLY put himself first. HBK cuts a long boring promo about Detatched Retina Syndrome. His wife, Mrs Break Kid is overselling his announcement. They're perfect for each other. I wish he would cut a heel promo and kick his wife already! They cut to the crying teenager for future "Tell Me A Lie" video packages. Haha, HBK just made fun of the losing my smile thing. Awesome. Chris "SAVE_US.FROM_SHAWNS_RETIREMENT" Jericho interrupts and saves us from this sappy promo. Thank God! I thought this was gonna be serious for a moment. Y2J is in a monkey suit. Jericho delivers a quiet awesome promo. He's gone from evil to eeeeeeevil. I love these two, this feud rules! There's no way WWE creative wrote this... it's just too good! Jericho then lays out HBK's wife. Man, wrestler's wives aren't the best at staying out of the way are they? I'm glad she got her hair out of the way before she went down, however. She's the wife of a wrestler, you'd think she'd know how to take a punch. I mean, Steve Austin's ex does! The announcers use their standard "serious voice" to sell the angle. Meanwhile, Robert Roode is watching right now wondering how he got absolutely no heat when he hit a woman. It's because you suck Roode! Speaking of which, if this were TNA, then HBK would have joined Jericho in assaulting his wife while Don West screamed about how awesome it was.
Pointless anti-feminist joke:
Q. What did Shawn Michaels tell his wife after the show was over?
A. Nothing! Jericho already told her.
- ECW Title: "The World's Happiest Champion" Mark Henry v. Matt Hardy w/ new pants
This is the ECW main event despite being the ONLY ECW event on the card. Match lasts less than 30 seconds as Matt hit the Twist of Fate, but Tony Atlas pulled Hardy out the ring, drawing the DQ. Are you kidding me?! ECW continues to slide into nothingness. Either someone's hurt, or they decided HHH-Khali deserves 30 minutes. Matt then attacks Atlas, before getting attacked by Henry, Jeff Hardy then runs-in for the save and the Hardyz hit a suplex on Henry. Hardy Boyz reunite! I guess the Hardys really hate black people. Speaking of which, I was hoping MVP and Shelton would've made a run-in to form the new Nation.
Matt Hardy d. ECW champion Mark Henry -- outside interference (DQ, DUD) They managed to destroy the Henry build up, by making it look like Matt can beat him in 15 seconds.
- CM Punk video package. Awesome package that mostly uses the ECW footage from a year ago, when he last had credibility.
- RAW Title: "Martial Arts World Champion" CM Punk v. JBL w/ talcum powder on the back of his tights and bald spot brewing
Aww, look who's in the midcard of a show AGAIN... This match marks the beginning of the "faces go over" portion of the show. Punk seriously has the best entrance. I'm surprised at the tame reaction for Punk. JBL chant starts up. Michael Cole apparently thinks that "CM Punk is the Martial Arts World Champion". JBL is just terrible in the ring; he just doesn't have it in him to go anymore. He's slow, sluggish and seems to be walking in molasses. And when he makes fans not give a crap about a match with John Cena, that's saying something. Punk is really selling the whole being beat up by a fat untalented slug thing. End came when Punk and Jibble knocked heads during a leg lariat/head knock spot and they seemed to rush the end, with Punk hitting GTS and getting a win on JBL to retain. How were they even able to walk after that botched spot? Trainers, EMT's, Referee's down... Clean win for Punk finally?! Though, there was simply no point having that match at Summerslam when Punk had already beaten him clearly on RAW. Weird bit at the end as Cole undersells how good Punk is.
RAW champion CM Punk d. JBL, GTS -- pin (**) Not bad, but a pretty lousy match for Punk.
- Smackdown Title: HHH v. The Great Khali
Hey look Triple H midcards again. I'm surprised they're doing the title matches back to back. I thought they'd keep one of them as a piss break between Cena/Batista and Edge/Taker. Everyone is hyped because Batista and Cena have never faced each other before, but neither have Khali and HHH! That's what I'm hyped for! Wow, Khali isn't doing too badly as it's turning into a pretty good match. "You can't wrestle" chants despite Khali not messing up a single move so far. I hope one day, during a "You can't wrestle" chant, Khali would calmly turn around and say "So what?!" There was a neat Andre rope spot, and Trips sold everything Khali did really well as he treated him like a monster and not a slow worthless giant. End came when Khali missed a charge and HHH finished with a laughable Pedigree to a big pop. Wow, Khali took a bump!
Smackdown champion HHH d. The Great Khali, Pedigree -- pin (**1/2) Khali's best match.
- "MMA submission specialist" Batista w/ sweat v. John Cena
Despite this being one of the main events, it only got 2 weeks worth of build-up. Crowd seems to be more behind Batista than Cena. Cole once again makes an idiot out of himself: "Can you imagine the feeling of those big legs wrapped around you... I mean, wrapped around Cena..." Batista applies the Figure Four, though when Flair does it, he actually looks like he's doing something, and not just staring longingly at his opponent. Two wrestlers known for using power are currently using a bunch of submission holds. This is basically an exhibition on how not to apply submissions. If Batista could find a pool under the ring, I'm pretty sure he could drown Cena in his sweat. End came when Cena kicked out of a powerbomb, before Batista got pissed and kicked Cena in the face and hit another powerbomb for three. Cena... couldn't over come the odds?! Big Dave wins! Big Dave wins! I wouldn't mind another Batista/Punk match, but please God, no more Cena/JBL matches! Cena is jobbing left and right lately... perhaps he's found Punk's dog house?
Batista d. John Cena, powerbomb -- pin (***) Pretty good finish and Batista being good at getting countered saves this one. Other than that though, just an ok match.
- Hell in a Cell: "Old Pissed Off Deadman" The Undertaker v. "Psycho" Edge w/ crazy eyes and smile
Rated RKO reunion, plz kthx. Edge has the best pyro ever. Tazz says "I thought I knew...this man, Edge..." Haha. Vickie thought she new him too! I love how Undertaker has contributed absolutely NOTHING to the build up of this match. Taker's entrance may be the longest ever. Undie is back!... for the ten millionth time... UT looks pretty lean here as he looks to have slimmed down some. Edge gave everything he had, dominated Taker for most of the match, but Taker just kept on coming. They smashed through the cage wall, destroyed multiple tables, stole each other's moves and it ended with Edge going through two tables, getting a Takerchairto, forcing him to watch Batman and Robin, before finishing with a Tombstone Piledriver.
Final prop count:
2 Announce Tables
Broken Cell Wall
2 Outdated TV's
Video Camera (Christ, what DON'T they store under the ring?)
Why were there a lot of tables under the ring? Were they planning a supper after the match or something?
Post-match, Edge dared to move so UT came back to the ring and chokeslammed him off of a ladder through the ring. Flames burst up through the hole in the ring afterward. RIP Edge. I hope you and Rey are tagging again in Heaven right now. The ending was a little cheesy, but it's Taker, so you have to expect it by now. Thank God they managed to keep that trap door shut during the whole PPV without risking another Davey Boy incident.
The Undertaker d. Edge in a Hell in a Cell match, tombstone pildriver -- pin (****) This was a long match that just kept on giving. It surpassed all my expectations. All that was missing was for them to climb to the top of the cell and then fall off of it. It wasn't totally perfect, but it did have a fantastic story.
Final Thoughts: Outside of Taker/Edge and Batista/Cena (which should have been the title matches) this was rather lackluster, but nothing terrible except for the ECW match.
Star ratings from PW Torch:
Hardy vs MVP: **
Kofi/James vs Santino/Phoenix: *
Hardy vs Henry: DUD
Punk vs JBL: **1/4
HHH vs Khali: **1/4
Cena vs Batista: ***1/2
Edge vs UT: ***1/2
Hardy vs MVP: **
Kofi/James vs Santino/Phoenix: *1/4
Hardy vs Henry: DUD
Punk vs JBL: **1/2
HHH vs Khali: **
Cena vs Batista: ***1/4
Edge vs UT: ****