|Hosted by Hulk Hogan & Laila Ali
MEN’S MATCH: "From the type of nigger Chris Rock would've hated to the type of black man Chris Rock would respect" Sharaud Moore vs. Adam Levin w/ Kevin Nash Syndrome / Andy Konigsmark w/ The power of God
WOMEN’S MATCH: Belinda Gavin w/ penchant for talking about bulls vs. "Wesley Berry of the Women's Division" Monica Carlson
Men’s Event #1 – Powerball
Gladiators: Mayhem, Titan & Somoa Toa
Men on first again?! Both guys only manage to score 2. Adam gets injured half-way through and demands time-out. Not in this season. Anyway, Adam's injury meant that Sharaud had the impossible task of scoring with all 3 gladiators focused on him. Post-game, a injured Adam tells Titan that he's the reason he got into bodybuilding. Well then, why is he channeling HHH then? Titan applauds Adam and says that he's a warrior. I don't think not being able to play football for more than 4 seconds, before ending up on crutches should qualify you for being a warrior, but that's just me.
So four episodes in, there's been two injuries in powerball already?! I'm guessing this game will be phased out next season. I can't remember anyone getting injured in this event in the original series. I guess people were just tougher back in the 90's.
Women’s Event #1 – Powerball
Gladiators: Stealth, Venom & Crush
Belinda cries during the backstage interview segment. Wow, what bad luck; Belinda has to compete while she's on the rag. Oh and for the people that complain Ninja Warrior is too gimmicky, I present to you AG where they pick one thing about the contestant, and that becomes their gimmick. For instance, everything Belinda said this episode was a terrible pun about bulls.
Goddamn Monica's a hottie and makes this event look easy as she scores 6. Belinda scores a respectable 4.
My #1 Wank Choice
Belinda gives a pointless backstage interview talking about bulls. Why does it always have to be about Bulls with this girl? It’s not helping you being very entertaining.
Interview with Adam, who says he can't compete. Fortunately I don't care about him, so I could care less.
Men’s Event #2 – Joust
Andy makes a good effort but is knocked off in 10 seconds. I guess God isn't so great afterall. Next up is Sharaud. Titan loses his balance early on, but manages to just about stay on for 20 seconds before both guys end up falling off their platforms so Sharaud can pick up 10. Post-game, homeboy does the Hogan Ear Wave of doom.
Women’s Event #2 – Joust
Pre-game, Belinda does the bull-riding motion, just in case you weren't aware what she does for a living. Belinda then shows what a dumbass she is by forgetting the rules and stepping on the Gladiators' platform knocking Venom off. Of course this makes Belinda think she's won.
Monica is up next. Hogan says he hopes Venom can get her wet this time. Me too, Hulk. Me too. Anyways Monica dominates and knocks Venom off in 10 seconds.
Men’s Event #3 – Hit & Run
Gladiators: Titan, Somoa Toa, Mayhem & Wolfman Jack w/ eye make up
The whole cutting to commercial right before an event starts is getting really annoying now. Don't worry, producers, we’re going to keep watching until the end, I promise. No need for these poor-man's cliffhangers.
Sharaud makes a good run scoring 8 points (one second away from making it 10) by going fast and ducking at the right moment to avoid being hit. Next up Andy, who uses the same strategy as Sharaud to pick up the same number of points and again is one second away from making it 10.
Women’s Event #3 – Assault
Monica only makes it past the first stage before being hit. Pre-game interview with Belinda, who gives a shockingly normal interview, before Laila reminds her what she does for a living and she goes back to her bullriding motion. Ugh. Anyways, Belinda does an uncharacteristic thing by playing it smart, as she takes extra time to take aim and manages to hit the target instead of running the whole course, which is impossible to complete anyway. Hellga getting tossed was by far the most unintentional hilarious moment this season. The look on her face, coupled with the belly flop into the pool had me rolling.
Men’s Event #4 – Assault
Andy only managed to make it past the first two stages as he stalled for too long trying to find the arrow, before being hit. Sharaud failed to fire any weapons and was hit when he rotated the turret the wrong way, leaving himself exposed. Justice celebrates by performing the Riverdance. Uh, WTF?! Was he trying to upstage Hellga's efforts for most unintentional hilarious moment?
Women’s Event #4 – Pyramid
Gladiators: Stealth & Fury
Stealth tries pulling Monica off the pyramid, but she manages to break free and the momentum takes Stealth all the way down as Monica makes the easy run at the top to pick up 10.
Weird editing here as there's still 20 seconds to go, but was cut out in post-production in favor of Monica celebrating. Wow, you'd think this was a taped show or something.
Backstage interview with Monica, who once again makes some cheerleader screams. She maybe hot, but she hasn't said anything coherent all episode.
Men’s Event #5 – Eliminator
Ali makes out that the four second lead is huge. It may have been a big of a difference in the original eliminator, but not this. The old eliminator took contestants about a minute, meaning a few second head start was HUGE. This one however, takes them 2-3 minutes to complete, making head-starts less meaningful and the events before the eliminator practically pointless. Not only that, but by the end of the thing, everyone is so tired that they can barely finish, leading to a anti-climactic finish.
Anyways, we find out Sharaud can't swim as Andy takes the lead. Swimming wasn't required during the try-outs? Man, this show is a liability risk. I mean, I know th contestants sign waivers that are thicker than the bible, but negligence can still be argued. Andy makes a great run as Sharaud is slow and sluggish the whole way through. Andy currently has the fastest male Eliminator time with 2:04.
Fun Fact: The Final 4 concept this season promotes hasn't been used since the first season of the British Gladiators.
Women’s Event #5 - Eliminator
Monica proves she has a brain by rotating on the handbike for a a second, before dropping and running thus conserving her energy, HAHA! Belinda goes back to being dumb again by wasting all of her energy on the handbike, leaving her gassed for the rest of the stages. Monica has the fastest overall Eliminator time to date with 2:00, but she did have to cheat to get it. It also shocks me that the women are generally getting better eliminator times than the men.
Monica wins as every cock in the crowd gets hard in unison. Even Hellga's.
Final Thoughts: Despite the fact he has the fastest eliminator time, Andy wasn't that great of a contender, failing to score a lot of points, so I doubt he could go on to win the whole thing. I'm also heavily doubting my girl, Sienne to win the thing now. I'm all about the Monica now. She completely kicked ass in scoring and running the Eliminator. Nonetheless, Sienne vs Monica seems like the only dream match this season, showing how dead the men's division really is. When the women are clearly outclassing the men, you know you've got a problem.
On another note, the women Gladiators really suck now. Women contestants sucking is nothing new, but at least the women gladiators from the original show were decent athletes. In this ep, the female glads pretty much got knocked around in the powerball, pyramid and joust games.